Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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