i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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