How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just pee around me
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I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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