Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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