Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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