I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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