tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize