I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize