i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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