Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
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I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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