there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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