I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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