Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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