Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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