I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize