I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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