and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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