Sry I called you an 8
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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