this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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