Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize