Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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