when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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