I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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