My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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