Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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