well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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