Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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