Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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