Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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