Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize