Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize