my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And then he peed in my hair
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