im about as happy as oj after his trial
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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