Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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