Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize