haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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