Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize