New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize