i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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