Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize