a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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