rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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