Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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