The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
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WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am mentally ready for anal.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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