it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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