I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
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as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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