I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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