I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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