So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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