...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
nutella sex= disaster
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tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
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lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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