I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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